I am at war, and losing the battle.

Perhaps, fighting isn’t the answer.

For close to 3 years I have been under several different treatment protocols to kill the Lyme-causing spirochetes that invaded my body many years ago.

Sometimes on my way home from work, while driving a long stretch of highway, I will chant my little Lyme mantra-” I beat, I beat, I beat the spirochetes.” I am fully aware of how corny this sounds. But, I am willing to try anything.  I thought perhaps in addition to all the antibiotics and supplements I am taking, a little mind over matter may work by hitting those spirochetes hard with my words.

Since sharing my Lyme diagnosis, I have had many well-meaning people suggest different things I should try for treatment.  They have either read about a specific treatment somewhere, have a loved one who benefited from a certain treatment, or even they themselves “beat” Lyme with a certain protocol.

The thing I have learned about my late stage Lyme, is that it isn’t so much about the spirochetes, as it is about me. Maybe, the spirochetes aren’t the enemy after all.

The thing I have learned about my late stage Lyme, is that it isn’t so much about the spirochetes, as it is about me. Maybe, the spirochetes aren’t  the enemy after all. Maybe, this obstacle is actually an opportunity- an opportunity for the emotional and spiritual healing my soul so desperately needs.

I do believe that the heavy antibiotic, herbal and supplement protocol I have been doing are necessary and supportive to my healing.  But, still – something is missing.

I have met many people over the years that tested positive for Lyme; took a 30 day antibiotic protocol, and are just fine. I have also met many people with a story similar to mine. I know that early diagnosis and treatment is important. Despite that, why do some of us struggle with chronic Lyme symptoms -and for others, Lyme is just a blip?

My therapist suggested I read an article by author Laura Bruno, called Healing Lyme Disease.  The author is a medical intuitive who suffered a traumatic brain injury and was married to a man with Lyme Disease.   Her book, If I Only Had a Brain Injury: A Survivor and Life Coach’s Guide To Chronic Fatigue, Concussion, Lyme Disease, Migraine, or Other “Medical Mystery”,  is an excellent read by the way.

I had a total shift in awareness regarding my illness after reading this article.

The author suggested that there are some common denominators among those with chronic Lyme;

The author suggested that there are some common denominators among those with chronic Lyme; such as “The biggest common denominator seems to be that Lyme arrives when some anger has gone unexpressed and when self-love does not match the degree of love and blessings these folks spread into the world.”

Yea, I can get behind that.  For as long as I can remember, I have been carrying this heavy weight of anger, sadness, judgement, control, perfectionism, and fear of letting go.

Deepak Chopra says, “Once one is unbounded and free, healing can begin.” I know releasing my deep-seated idea of how life is suppose to be and just trusting that all is well,could be so freeing.  So, why don’t I just LET IT GO? (Queue Frozen’s theme song here)

Lyme has really kicked my ass. But, instead of being at war with it, I need to be at peace with myself.

On my way to work today I looked to my right as I was changing lanes on the highway; and noticed a small black and yellow butterfly holding on to my passenger side window for dear life.  Out loud I said,”Aww buddy, you just got to let go and trust that you will be alright.” As the words left my mouth I let out a little humph as I smirked- appreciating the hypocrisy here.

Fifteen minutes later he was still there! I snapped a photo of him on my phone as best I could while driving. As soon as I was done taking the photo, he let go as if to say, ” Good. You got it? Now fly, Jess.”

Love, Joy, Truth, Gratitude-