Not too long ago I woke up to an email notifying me that I received a scathing review from a patient. When I read it, my heart sank because I found it incredibly shocking and down right mean. If you read my last post , you are already aware of how challenging the mornings can be for me. This was just too much to handle.
Thank goodness I had a therapy session scheduled in the upcoming week. I see a Lyme literate therapist who is also an energy healer. I went to her still spinning from the review, expecting her to align with my feelings of being victimized. ” This is how I make a living for my family! How could he say these things? Why didn’t he talk to me first?” And on and on these thoughts replayed in my head for days.
I told my therapist that in the review he accused me of not seeming genuine. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that. I get up every day with the intent to serve and help others heal despite how I feel. My therapist said, ” Well, is there any place in your life where you aren’t being genuine? Perhaps he somehow picked up on this, and this review is exactly what you needed in order to re-evaluate and grow. People often enter our lives for a reason.”
Oh crap. Self- reflection time.
Well, I have always been quite concerned about what people think of me. I had been conditioned very early on to be a people-pleaser. When you grow up in an alcoholic family you fall into certain roles for what you perceive to be the survival of the family unit. It didn’t feel natural for me to be in tune with my inner guidance system and ask myself, “How does this make me feel?” Because somehow on a real deep level I guess I didn’t think how I felt mattered.
Keeping my late stage Lyme diagnosis a secret for all these years has weighed me down and pulled me further away from my authentic self. I have been pretending for so long that everything is just groovy (AKA not being genuine) and basing my self-worth on people’s opinions of me. It’s exhausting!
Having late stage Lyme disease forces you to feel everything. It forces you to matter. It forces you to be authentic – if you want to heal. I now know that if I continue to pretend everything is perfect and don’t look inward, I will never truly heal from this disease. Healing isn’t just physical. It’s mental, emotional and spiritual. Oh boy is it spiritual!
This review catapulted me into the next chapter of my life. I decided to GET REAL; and share my story, share my journey, connect with others; and stop striking a pose.
So, with much love- I thank you for your review sir. It’s just what I needed.
Love, Joy, Truth, Gratitude –